You Have To Say Goodbye
by plasticineking
Summary: Someone from the past reminds Gene that it's better to say goodbye. One-Shot. Un-beta'd.


_Title: You Have To Say Goodbye.  
Author: Hollie, aka AshtrayHeart-x  
Disclaimer: I own nothing! Lucky BBC  
Raiting: K+/T  
Summary: A friend, convinces Gene that it's better to say goodbye, while you still have the chance. {sad'ish fic} I'm un-beta'd.  
_**  
You Have To Say Goodbye.**  
Nearing Christmas, and it should've been a joyful time. Carols being sung on street corners, the city being lit up with thousands of lights, everyone genuinely happy. Of course, Gene never liked Christmas, but to add salt to the wound, and a kick whilst he was down, the team had the message that today, December 6th 1982, they should go to the hospital and say their goodbyes to Alex. Gene scoffed, she wasn't even on life support, well the last time he went there she wasn't. He couldn't face her cold face again. He overheard Shaz saying she had an infection of some sorts, and the operation they've got to do, is a very slim chance she'll make it out alive.

So, sitting in his living room, alone head in hands, he thought. He should go see her, he knew he should but he also knew he wouldn't. Nevermind the mess with everyone thinking he meant to shoot her, if she died when he was there that wouldn't exactly be a good thing. Rubbing his eyes, he heard those familiar footsteps and sighed.

'What do yer want?' he spoke into the nothingness.  
_'Ya know ya should go to see her, right?' the voice replied._  
'Wha' makes yer think I should?'  
_'Well, since I am your subconscious, you think ya should.'_  
'So bloody cocky, Sammy boy.' He sniffed.  
_'I'm dead ya kno'.' Came Sam's reply._  
'Yeah, I am aware.'  
_'Ya never got the chance to say goodbye to me.'_  
'Yea. Stating the obvious.'  
_'No need to be sarcastic, this is all in ya mind.' Gene felt the flop next to him in the settee, but he didn't open his eyes, he knew just like every other time, Sam wouldn't be there. 'So ya goin'?'_  
'No.'  
_'Why?'_  
'She were just my D.I.'  
_'I was just ya D.I too.'_  
'Yer, but ya were a mate, she aint. She's Alex.' He scoffed, keeping his eyes shut.  
_'Oh, so she means nothing to ya?' Sam replied, a slight laugh in his tone._  
'No…yeah….No, just not enough.' He coughed, he heard Sam sigh.  
_'Ya can't hide from me, I'm in ya mind, I kno' wha' ya really want.' He huffed._  
'Well, if yer do, then why aren't ya back, eh Sam? Why did ya leave!?' he shouted through his hands.  
_'Don' make this about me, I don' got answers, if ya don' kno' why I died, I can' tell ya. This is about Alex. Ya need to go see her, when she dies that's it.'_  
'Will she come see me every time I shut my eyes, 'cause I'd at least think if she's dead she'd give me some peace.'  
_'I don' kno.' Sam laughed, 'ya will regret not goin' ya kno'?' he spoke with some tenderness.  
_'Yeah, well.' Gene sighed, what he'd do to give Sam a good beating right now, 'even in death ya annoy the shit outta me. I can't go. I just…'  
_'It'll hurt Guv. Ya kno' it will, but if she's awake in there hearing everything then she will expect to see her. Ya were her friend.'_  
'Yea, friends don' normally shoot the other.' Gene lay back in the settee, eyes still shut.  
_'Ok, true, ya just need a bit o'practice at bein' friend that's all.'_  
'Too late, she's dyin'.'  
_'Well, now's ya chance, aint it? No point caring about bein' the Manc Lion, it's about time ya showed some feelings Guv.'_  
'Do ya mind!'  
_'Wha'? I am only sayin' wha' ya thinkin'. You should go, the operations' at 5 it's 3 now.'_  
'Sam, 'Ow can ya kno' the time, if I don'.'  
_'I 'ave got eyes Guv.'_  
'Wha'?' Gene's eyes flew open, to a more than empty room, he looked around for Sam, nowhere to be seen. He was right though, about the time. Three on the dot. Gene sighed, rubbing his eyes he made way for his front door, he was sure as he walked out he heard that familiar voice whisper _goodluck_. He huffed, 'whispering to the wrong person 'ere Sammy-boy.'

---  
There was beeping, so much hustle around the hospital, enough to confuse Gene's eyes he wanted to sit and relax. Until he saw Shaz, looking worse for wear. None of them had really spoken to Gene. Not since…Well, Shaz took it hardest. She didn't see her Guv anymore, she could only see the person who shot Alex. Then again, whenever Gene looked in the mirror he saw the same thing. He walked towards Chris and Shaz.  
'A'right, Guv?' Chris asked, his face was low, his voice held no emotion.  
'No.' was Gene's simple reply.  
'Good.' Shaz whispered, looking down on the floor. Gene nodded, oh he deserved it all. Everything he got today, he deserved.  
'Where's Ray?' Gene asked, to nobody imparticular.  
'With Alex.' Chris replied. Gene was sure that was the first time he's ever said Alex's name, without seeming uncomfortable.  
'Are you…' Shaz started, stifling a sob, 'Are you going to see her?' she didn't look at him, he nodded his reply,  
'Yeah. I am.'  
'You shouldn't. You…shouldn't.' she sobbed openly now.  
'I know.' Just then Ray came out, wiping a hand over his eyes, which were obviously glassy. He spoke without knowledge of Gene there.  
'She didn't answer ya kno'? Ya always expect 'er to answer. It aint bloody right.' He sighed, opening his eyes he spotted Gene. He sighed and shook his head at him, Gene nodded. 'Ya can't be long Guv. She's gettin' prepped soon.' Gene nodded again, and walked past. Stopping at the door and taking a deep breath. Turning the handle, walking inside he felt as though his inside were being ripped out through his ears. She was un-moving, it looked as if she hadn't moved from when he was last with her. He shut the door quietly, and almost laughed. Like he'd wake her.  
'Hi Bols.' He said gently placing himself down on her bed, taking her hand in his.  
'I was waitin' for a reply off ya, stupid really.' He sighed, 'seems as though, doc says ya may not make it through this op. we 'ave had to come say our goodbyes. Goodbye. Not enough really is it?...No words are enough, not today. I want…ya to kno'…tha' I am…' he coughed nervously, 'I am..sorry.' he squeezed her hand, he never thought that he being there not even speaking could upset him. 'I wish this weren' it, ya kno'. There's so much we need to talk about. So much…I never said.' He scrunched his eyes, and opened them to see a still almost dead-looking Alex, 'I…miss yer. It's not right, ya not bein' around.' He sighed once again, 'ya gotta come out of this. We need yer ya kno' more than ya think…ya changed us all.' He felt his eyes burn, 'If yer come back, I will…I don' kno' I will think o'somethin'. I said some stuff, day before I…ya kno'. I shouldn' 'ave said them, but I can't say I didn'mean it, I did, at the time. I were angry, but it don' matter 'cause…I really do need ya. Stuff whoever else, I need ya. Please Alex.' That's when he felt it, that little movement in her hand. She tightened her grip on his, almost grasping for life. His eyes widened, 'Yer awake. Alex?...Chirst.' there was frantic movement behind her eyelids. 'She's waking up.' He yelled, well he thought he did but his voice was so dry, he didn't even know if he spoke any words.

That's when he happened, those hazel eyes shot open with a large gasp of breath. She looked at him and shot up into his arms, frantically punching his chest and sobbing. He held her, taking each beating because he deserved it, he knew he did.  
'I…was home.' She screamed, 'I was with her, I was with my girl.' She sobbed into his chest.  
'Shh, I kno'.' He smoothed her hair, he knew that Ray, Chris and Shaz were there, but he didn't care, she was awake.  
'You don't you don't know.' She clasped onto his shirt, grabbing handfuls, 'It was so real, she was so real. I felt it, I felt it. I did…' she went limp, in his arms. The sobbing stopped instantly, he looked at her face, her eyes were half open, but there was nothing behind them. He placed her back on the bed,  
'Alex, come on, eh?' He felt her pulse, nothing. He shook her head, 'Ya can't go, not now. No…' he felt it, that salty tear roll down from his eye onto her face.  
'Step back, Sir.' A nurse pushed him away, and he looked on with horror. He turned to look at Shaz, she was sobbing into Chris' shirt, who was soothing her just like Gene was to Alex moments ago. Ray, stared at the hospital bed, his eyes wide, and his mouth slightly open. Everything happened, so quickly. Too quickly, he shut his eyes and when he opened them, a doctor stood looking at a clock.  
'Time of death…16:25.' He sighed and made his way to move. That's when Gene saw her again, the most annoying, beautiful woman he ever knew, was not coming back. Not now. He stepped towards the bed, sat on it again. Another tear escaped but he didn't bother to wipe it away. He leant down and kissed her on her, still salty from his and her tears, lips. They weren't cold, like he imagined but they were soft and warm. He lingered above her lips and whispered, 'Goodbye Alex.' He turned without a second glance back, and walked out of the hospital. His car never seemed so far away, finally reaching it he sat down inside. Shutting his eyes. He felt him there,  
'It hurt.' Gene muttered.  
_'I said it would.'_  
'It still hurts.'  
_'I know.'_  
'I know I should have said goodbye, but I don' feel better.'  
_'Ya probably wont.'_  
'I miss her.'  
_'I know.'_  
'She died in me arms.'  
_'Yeah.'_  
'She's gone.'  
_'Yes.'_  
'Then why aint she here, talking to me like you are?'  
_'Do ya want her to be?'_  
'I don't know…'  
_'Right.'_  
'I need her.'  
_'Yeah, I know.'_

**The End.****A/N: A little sad tale, poor Gene. *sniffles* Hope you enjoy. I love you. x**


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